Reality Bites

My last post was about ending my marriage and starting anew. And I boasted about being strong and heading towards happiness. It's amazing how quickly that bubble can be burst...
Reality bites. 
I had plans for this future of mine. It included my children, someone I love, his children and all that our history would bring together..and then reality bit.
This someone I loved, really didn't love me. And damn, that hurt. It made me question everything about me, about my ability to trust others and who I am. It really was a kick in the balls, to put it mildly..
I am here a week later and know that I am stronger than ever. I have suffered 2 major heartbreaks in the last few months, a never expected amount of verbal and emotional abuse, and made a life changing decision. And there is a lot more to come: divorce....

Now, as I sit here, at 3am, contemplating my next move, I remind myself:
I am a strong woman.
I will focus on taking care of me and my beautiful daughters.
I will find a way to manage the negativity that comes my way...because there are times now when I feel myself ready to explode(when the future ex starts the nasty comments, or seeing pictures of the other man, realizing how quickly he moved on or that he is smoking again, gross...and with those 2 pieces of information realizing I really didn't know him at all.) And I realize that the negative energy is something I can use positively toward my future.
I am going to survive and be even more beautiful, more strong and more brave. (And the title for my blog is the ONLY thing one of those men gave me. He does not get credit however, as I was already beautiful, strong and brave.)
I will not always be serious in this blog. :)
I will be independent.
I will dream big.
I will have an amazing life.
I will be happy.
I will smile and laugh.
I will love me.
I am me.

And because music speaks: 2 songs for the 2 men:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eR7-AUmiNcA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22zB6Soc2Gk

And 1 song for me!!! - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxV-OOIamyk

And I sit here now, at the end of this post, Smiling. because  I am...
....a fighter!!!

Amy