Breaking Down

My mother says to me,"I don't know how you are staying so strong, holding up through all of this." I shrugged my shoulders and said Good Night.
That was Monday evening, the second night my one daughter and I spent at my mom's to try get some reprieve from my life. My other daughter was on a vacation out of the States.
I found that the soon to be ex was becoming more angry and more verbally and emotionally abusive towards me, and it was becoming intense enough that the effect on my youngest was too much.
I sought help from the courts after another report was filed while at my mother's home. As a police officer, policy requires I notify my Professional Standards Division when these reports are completed...embarrassing and stressful. These types of incidents are taken very seriously when an officer is involved, even as a victim.
By Tuesday, I was breaking down. I had few words with the soon to be ex, but he made it clear that he called the police in our town to try to make reports about me(hours after he was served with court paperwork)...then he took our daughter golfing.
I sank to the floor and cried...he was  now going after my livelihood. I got ready for work and drove in, talking to my sister and crying...by the time I walked into my station, I had broken down..crying, shaking, unable to work...
I had told only 1 of my coworkers about what was occurring in my life. But not even my partners in my district knew what was going on.
What happened next blew my mind: 2 of my coworkers called the Sergeant for me to put me in the sick book, then sat down with me...for the next hour, and talked with me: expressing their concern as they had never seen me like this, calming me down, reminding me about my options and to go to my mom's and be safe...to sleep, rest, and then plan the next step.
My partners, these 2 men....I cannot thank  them enough for being there...for not judging and being my family.
I know...as police officers,we aren't supposed to break down. We use humor to deflect our pain, sadness, grief.
This time it was too much and I needed exactly what my partners gave me: support, a kind ear and heart and the knowledge that they had my back and cared.
I am very lucky to have a good family and good coworkers
Thank you for having my back when I was down.
Now it is time to rebuild some of that strength.

Running again,
Amy