I am a runner. I love to run...ask anyone. I ran my first half marathon last September in Virginia Beach and it was amazing. This year, I had plans to run at least 12 races, 1 per month, with 2 half marathons thrown in for good measure. You know, 1 last year, 2 this year...
Then life does it's thing: stress fracture in my left tibia. And killer hip pain on the right. I finally saw the ortho and the hip can be fixed with physical therapy. The stress fracture?? KILL ME NOW..no running for at least the next 7 weeks, and I haven't run (Ok, I did once about 3 weeks ago...but it was only 2 miles, I swear!) for the past 6 weeks. The ortho tells me there hasn't been sufficient bone growth so far and he'd prefer me on crutches...that's not happening! He did ok me for biking, so today I did that for this first time..I am feeling achiness in the calf...hoping it's only the muscle.
I have been reading a wonderful book, "Run Like A Girl", by Mina Samuels. This has been very good for me, so I will steal some knowledge and advice and pass it on:
"Running has given me freedom and strength" - this is how I feel every time I lace up my sneakers.
"Our running shoes have magic in them - the power to transform a bad day into a good day, self-doubt into confidence.." - Amen.
"We forget that happiness and suffering are states of mind." - I walked out the ortho's office and cried. Then I talked with friends and 2 things happened. I realized that there is a way to still get my workout and not wallow about the lack of running, as I will be coming back healthy and will run again. And that first run, if it's 7 weeks from now or 6 months is going to rock my world. AND, more importantly, I realized that my fracture is NOTHING compared to what other people in my life are experiencing and I decided to focus on them...this isn't all about me.
Here's to getting more calcium and the positive thinking that will help my body heal!
Cheers!
Be Strong,
Amy
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Friday, May 18, 2012
I Love Being a Mom
I have waited 16 years for this: "You are ruining my life!!!!!!" The stomping up the stairs, the door slamming and the endless sobbing from her bedroom.
Yes, I have 2 daughters...and no, it's not my 16 year old acting this way, it's my 13 year old. And I have ruined her life.
And here I thought I was going to skate free on the drama of having 2 daughters....ah....God(or insert higher power) has his plan I suppose..And I can recall the years of hating my mother and how she ruined my life. I can only hope that my beautiful girl understands why I ruined her life this weekend. And that she understands I will not ruin it forever...I am doing my best, youngest daughter. I Love You.
Be Strong,
Amy
Yes, I have 2 daughters...and no, it's not my 16 year old acting this way, it's my 13 year old. And I have ruined her life.
And here I thought I was going to skate free on the drama of having 2 daughters....ah....God(or insert higher power) has his plan I suppose..And I can recall the years of hating my mother and how she ruined my life. I can only hope that my beautiful girl understands why I ruined her life this weekend. And that she understands I will not ruin it forever...I am doing my best, youngest daughter. I Love You.
Be Strong,
Amy
Thursday, May 17, 2012
A Woman "On the Job"
As a woman in law enforcement, I have experienced men who think women should not be "on the job". I can honestly say the majority of my co-workers are great to work with, they back me up on all calls and we have a great time each shift, finding the fun only this job can bring us. Only a few have ever voiced that women shouldn't be police officers or made gender specific derogatory remarks. A few have felt that due to my experience working with victims of Domestic Violence(prior as a civilian and also as a Deputy in our Domestic Violence Unit) made me lean towards the "women as victims" mentality. And this often lead to some very interesting discussions.
I firmly believe the majority of men today are growing up around women that have feminist views and believe we can succeed in any job. And this helps women entering the law enforcement field.
I have had 11 years on the job so far. I like to believe that I have proved to the men that I am more than capable on the job and I am good at it.
There is also a public perception about women in law enforcement. We are either lesbians or we are sleeping with all our co-workers. This is a tough road sometimes. Tonight I had a male prisoner in my backseat and I pulled up next to a fellow Deputy for a quick hello, as I haven't seen him in a while. As I pulled away, my prisoner said to me, "I don't mean to butt in, but you two seemed really 'friendly' with each other". I explained to him that I had known this fellow Deputy for 11 years and we had gone to the police academy together. My prisoner said," Yeah, well, things can happen between coworkers". I could only shake my head because this is a public perception that I cannot beat..a judgement made on a simple hello and a short conversation about work.
I have realized that the stress of being a wife and mother and the pressure from the home front about the job is often worse than the stress of being a woman on the job. This relates to being the sole woman in an all male platoon (I currently have a female Lieutenant but that has not always been the case). My platoon is made up of me and 12 men. This job brings me close to my partners and they do become my extended family. I am here for them, I will fiercely protect them and fight to the death for them. People in other professions do not understand how this works. Thus, this can cause a lot of stress at home.
Another part that causes stress at home is simply that I want a successful career. Law Enforcement is shift work. We work extra hours, extra shifts, extra details for the job and to succeed...and hopefully prove one day that we deserve a promotion. I have as a wife and mother, often turned down many of these shifts and details, for my family...and there are times I believe this has not helped my career. And there are times, when life at home is not progressing well and I am told that my job means more to me than my family. The ongoing stress of trying to juggle being a working mom rears it's ugly head.
The part that our families: husbands, wives, and children do not understand is this: WE MAKE EVERY NIGHT'S GOAL TO COME HOME ALIVE. Anything can happen out here: a traffic stop gone bad, an accident, a domestic that is violent, or any other routine call can go bad in a flash.
Maybe as police officers we don't express to our families enough that our purpose every shift is to make it back home to them.. So to my family: know that when I put on the uniform, the gun belt and the vest, that I am thinking of you and my return home at 6am.
A woman's work is never done. This speaks the truth in my personal life and my professional life.
I do know that I was meant to be "on the job". A job that is never done.
Be Brave,
Amy
I firmly believe the majority of men today are growing up around women that have feminist views and believe we can succeed in any job. And this helps women entering the law enforcement field.
I have had 11 years on the job so far. I like to believe that I have proved to the men that I am more than capable on the job and I am good at it.
There is also a public perception about women in law enforcement. We are either lesbians or we are sleeping with all our co-workers. This is a tough road sometimes. Tonight I had a male prisoner in my backseat and I pulled up next to a fellow Deputy for a quick hello, as I haven't seen him in a while. As I pulled away, my prisoner said to me, "I don't mean to butt in, but you two seemed really 'friendly' with each other". I explained to him that I had known this fellow Deputy for 11 years and we had gone to the police academy together. My prisoner said," Yeah, well, things can happen between coworkers". I could only shake my head because this is a public perception that I cannot beat..a judgement made on a simple hello and a short conversation about work.
I have realized that the stress of being a wife and mother and the pressure from the home front about the job is often worse than the stress of being a woman on the job. This relates to being the sole woman in an all male platoon (I currently have a female Lieutenant but that has not always been the case). My platoon is made up of me and 12 men. This job brings me close to my partners and they do become my extended family. I am here for them, I will fiercely protect them and fight to the death for them. People in other professions do not understand how this works. Thus, this can cause a lot of stress at home.
Another part that causes stress at home is simply that I want a successful career. Law Enforcement is shift work. We work extra hours, extra shifts, extra details for the job and to succeed...and hopefully prove one day that we deserve a promotion. I have as a wife and mother, often turned down many of these shifts and details, for my family...and there are times I believe this has not helped my career. And there are times, when life at home is not progressing well and I am told that my job means more to me than my family. The ongoing stress of trying to juggle being a working mom rears it's ugly head.
The part that our families: husbands, wives, and children do not understand is this: WE MAKE EVERY NIGHT'S GOAL TO COME HOME ALIVE. Anything can happen out here: a traffic stop gone bad, an accident, a domestic that is violent, or any other routine call can go bad in a flash.
Maybe as police officers we don't express to our families enough that our purpose every shift is to make it back home to them.. So to my family: know that when I put on the uniform, the gun belt and the vest, that I am thinking of you and my return home at 6am.
A woman's work is never done. This speaks the truth in my personal life and my professional life.
I do know that I was meant to be "on the job". A job that is never done.
Be Brave,
Amy
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Mother's Day
I've been called a lot of things in my life: and mother is one used in various ways at various times in my life...I was lucky enough to take a few vacation days this weekend and be a mother to my 2 beautiful daughters. Work was not the place for me this weekend.
I definitely didn't want to work Mother's Day and risk being called a motherf'er, which can happen when some person unhappy with their mother, or any other reason, decides that a police officer doing her job is the motherf'er.
I was able to spend this weekend watching them at their dance recital..both have danced since they were 3 years old and it rocks my world to see what graceful dancers they have become. I always cry at these...and this year was no different. They take my breath away.
I like my title of Mom at home..I realized recently that if there is one thing I have done right in this world, it was to have my two daughters..that being said, I pray that as they are closing in on adulthood that I have done enough. And that is what scares me as a mother: will I have been enough of a mom?Was I stable enough? Was I loving enough? Please tell me I didn't pass on my neuroses!
I spent time with my mom and the mom-in-law as well....I know I don't thank them enough for all they have given me...you know..like my life and genetically my children. I hope they know that I love them and I am grateful for all they do for me...all these years.
I am happy to not want to fall into the "Mommy Wars" that are occurring now. Especially with TIME Magazine. I must say that women must support each other, without judgement of the choices we make: be it work, staying home, how we feed our children, if we co-sleep or not...and all the other issues of parenthood.
We should be proud to be called Mothers and be there for each other as we grow into our Motherhood. Because we all know that we have grand ideas about raising our children and then you have them. And all those plans fly right out the window.
I love my children. My beautiful Nicole and Victoria...they light up my life. With them I know unconditional love and I will always be here for them.
Keep Running,
Amy
I definitely didn't want to work Mother's Day and risk being called a motherf'er, which can happen when some person unhappy with their mother, or any other reason, decides that a police officer doing her job is the motherf'er.
I was able to spend this weekend watching them at their dance recital..both have danced since they were 3 years old and it rocks my world to see what graceful dancers they have become. I always cry at these...and this year was no different. They take my breath away.
I like my title of Mom at home..I realized recently that if there is one thing I have done right in this world, it was to have my two daughters..that being said, I pray that as they are closing in on adulthood that I have done enough. And that is what scares me as a mother: will I have been enough of a mom?Was I stable enough? Was I loving enough? Please tell me I didn't pass on my neuroses!
I spent time with my mom and the mom-in-law as well....I know I don't thank them enough for all they have given me...you know..like my life and genetically my children. I hope they know that I love them and I am grateful for all they do for me...all these years.
I am happy to not want to fall into the "Mommy Wars" that are occurring now. Especially with TIME Magazine. I must say that women must support each other, without judgement of the choices we make: be it work, staying home, how we feed our children, if we co-sleep or not...and all the other issues of parenthood.
We should be proud to be called Mothers and be there for each other as we grow into our Motherhood. Because we all know that we have grand ideas about raising our children and then you have them. And all those plans fly right out the window.
I love my children. My beautiful Nicole and Victoria...they light up my life. With them I know unconditional love and I will always be here for them.
Keep Running,
Amy
Saturday, May 12, 2012
The 40th Year: Beginning
I am a woman, a feminist who is a mom and a police officer, who loves working out and running...I have many roles each and every day. And each day I struggle like all moms to meet the demands of my job, my life, house, children and family. It has been the ultimate struggle.
This year I turned 40. Yeah. 4-0. And I had this list of all I wanted for my 40th year...lots of plans and exciting things: run a race every month including 2 half marathons, get a pixie cut(which I did), get a running tattoo(which I did: see above with a 13.1 on it too!)), maybe travel somewhere alone(without the husband and kids) and go back to college for my masters.
At the beginning of 2012, a wrench was thrown into all of that. One: my marriage began to unravel after 17 years. It's amazing how far apart 2 people can grow in 17 years of marriage. Raising 2 kids, busy jobs and overall forgetting who we each are as individuals and as a couple. Is this fixable? I don't know yet. It's being worked on, but there are no guarantees.
I then found out I have a stress fracture in my left lower leg and ongoing right hip pain...thus ruining my 12 races in 12 months plan...:( The absolute stress reliever in my life: running, is not an option for some time. Waiting on the doctor for the actual prognosis.
My job: a deputy sheriff on road patrol. I love my job...so many reasons I became a police officer. The excitement, the desire to arrest the bad guys and put them in jail, the freedom of driving around the county, alone. And the ability as a police officer to make the right decisions whether it be on a domestic, a traffic stop or any routine call. I had hoped at this point in my career to be a detective. But so far, that has not happened. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I am going to be in that patrol car, with all that gear on for the next 9 or more years and how that affects my body. I also work the night shift (6pm-6am), which is by choice. I like nights much better than days. This has been an issue on the homefront for 11 years. But the job itself: I love it. And wouldn't trade it for the world.
I hope to find my voice again here in this blog. It has been quiet for some time...I hope I can add some goodness to this world in this venue..
What I know right now as this year has continued down a very rough path is this: I will be beautiful, strong and brave.
Keep Running,
Amy
At the beginning of 2012, a wrench was thrown into all of that. One: my marriage began to unravel after 17 years. It's amazing how far apart 2 people can grow in 17 years of marriage. Raising 2 kids, busy jobs and overall forgetting who we each are as individuals and as a couple. Is this fixable? I don't know yet. It's being worked on, but there are no guarantees.
I then found out I have a stress fracture in my left lower leg and ongoing right hip pain...thus ruining my 12 races in 12 months plan...:( The absolute stress reliever in my life: running, is not an option for some time. Waiting on the doctor for the actual prognosis.
My job: a deputy sheriff on road patrol. I love my job...so many reasons I became a police officer. The excitement, the desire to arrest the bad guys and put them in jail, the freedom of driving around the county, alone. And the ability as a police officer to make the right decisions whether it be on a domestic, a traffic stop or any routine call. I had hoped at this point in my career to be a detective. But so far, that has not happened. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I am going to be in that patrol car, with all that gear on for the next 9 or more years and how that affects my body. I also work the night shift (6pm-6am), which is by choice. I like nights much better than days. This has been an issue on the homefront for 11 years. But the job itself: I love it. And wouldn't trade it for the world.
I hope to find my voice again here in this blog. It has been quiet for some time...I hope I can add some goodness to this world in this venue..
What I know right now as this year has continued down a very rough path is this: I will be beautiful, strong and brave.
Keep Running,
Amy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)